1 00:00:36,620 --> 00:00:37,620 Like. 2 00:01:19,340 --> 00:01:23,960 It's great for the cotton, but lousy for the human beings. 3 00:01:25,620 --> 00:01:29,940 Why, it's so bad, it can turn your juicy fruit to dust. 4 00:01:30,440 --> 00:01:32,720 Oh, Sandy Flush! 5 00:01:35,480 --> 00:01:41,380 Oh, now, here's an interesting little news item. A very strange old lady has 6 00:01:41,380 --> 00:01:44,500 been apprehended in the heart of our fair community. 7 00:01:44,720 --> 00:01:50,430 And she claims to be the original real mother... the goose. Now ain't that a 8 00:01:50,430 --> 00:01:51,430 cracker? 9 00:01:51,810 --> 00:01:57,810 And according to Sheriff Jobob, that old pervert was telling some of the low 10 00:01:57,810 --> 00:01:59,870 -downest stories you ever heard. 11 00:02:00,490 --> 00:02:05,370 Well, let's not judge that poor old weirdo until she gets one of our... 12 00:02:31,000 --> 00:02:32,000 key witness. 13 00:02:35,580 --> 00:02:37,500 Will the key witness please step inside? 14 00:02:38,080 --> 00:02:39,280 Coming! Coming! 15 00:02:40,060 --> 00:02:41,100 Oh, my! 16 00:02:44,560 --> 00:02:45,560 Raise your right hand. 17 00:02:45,720 --> 00:02:46,720 Yeah. Oh. 18 00:02:48,060 --> 00:02:51,040 Yeah. Do you swear to tell the truth, the whole truth, nothing but the truth, 19 00:02:51,080 --> 00:02:51,799 so I forgot? 20 00:02:51,800 --> 00:02:52,679 We do. 21 00:02:52,680 --> 00:02:54,500 We do. Of course we do. 22 00:02:55,000 --> 00:02:56,180 State your name for the record. 23 00:02:56,400 --> 00:02:57,920 Mother Goose. Mother who? 24 00:02:58,320 --> 00:02:59,360 Mother Goose. 25 00:03:02,350 --> 00:03:03,350 I'll be damned. 26 00:03:03,970 --> 00:03:05,390 You're a witness, Wilbur. 27 00:03:09,230 --> 00:03:13,350 You claim your name is Mother Goose. 28 00:03:13,810 --> 00:03:15,130 That's right, sweetie pie. 29 00:03:15,670 --> 00:03:19,170 May I call you Miss Goose? No, call me Mother. 30 00:03:20,350 --> 00:03:24,770 Now you are the one true Mother Goose. 31 00:03:25,230 --> 00:03:26,870 You're fucking right I am. 32 00:03:30,990 --> 00:03:32,610 Oh, by gracious, you must have used your heater. 33 00:03:35,670 --> 00:03:37,250 Because it certainly is warm. 34 00:03:37,870 --> 00:03:40,010 Judgey-wudgy, a little present for you. 35 00:03:40,270 --> 00:03:44,090 This court don't accept bribes. Well, I was only trying to make a little yoke. 36 00:03:45,510 --> 00:03:46,510 Proceed, little boy. 37 00:03:46,710 --> 00:03:48,030 All right then, mother. 38 00:03:48,650 --> 00:03:55,170 Now, Femmine, fair tale, truthfully, been charged with disturbing 39 00:03:55,170 --> 00:03:56,170 feats. 40 00:03:57,850 --> 00:03:58,850 Unlawful assembly. 41 00:04:00,300 --> 00:04:01,300 And murdering. 42 00:04:02,640 --> 00:04:07,420 Murdering our most valued children's moralistic teachings. 43 00:04:07,760 --> 00:04:09,160 Now, you were present. 44 00:04:09,720 --> 00:04:12,340 You were there as guest speaker this Sunday. 45 00:04:14,140 --> 00:04:19,800 Now, would you tell us why and what 46 00:04:19,800 --> 00:04:22,460 transformed? 47 00:04:23,380 --> 00:04:29,720 Well, yes. You see, I was there to tell them about... the way things truly 48 00:04:29,720 --> 00:04:36,440 happen. In the old days, I was forced to tell the accounts of Little Red Riding 49 00:04:36,440 --> 00:04:41,420 Hood, Cinderella, Jack and the Beanstalk, for instance, the way certain 50 00:04:41,420 --> 00:04:45,260 chauvinist big-shot kings wanted them told. 51 00:04:45,680 --> 00:04:48,740 Well, you know, from the man's point of view. 52 00:04:49,500 --> 00:04:56,080 Well, if I hadn't set those stories down the way they wanted to hear them, 53 00:04:56,220 --> 00:05:02,440 it would have been my... The old chopping block, you know? 54 00:05:02,880 --> 00:05:09,680 Yeah. So, I finally decided that I had to set things right. And 55 00:05:09,680 --> 00:05:11,080 now is the time. 56 00:05:11,400 --> 00:05:12,980 How do you mean, now? 57 00:05:14,220 --> 00:05:18,900 Well, I guess I'd better start at the fucking beginning. 58 00:05:20,120 --> 00:05:24,220 There was a little girl named Cinderella. 59 00:05:24,880 --> 00:05:29,220 who slept in the haystack with Jack and the Beanster. No, that's the wrong 60 00:05:29,220 --> 00:05:30,220 story. 61 00:05:30,480 --> 00:05:36,380 Little Red Riding Hood was sitting with Little Miss Muff... No, Jack and the 62 00:05:36,380 --> 00:05:37,580 Beanster. Oh, well. 63 00:05:38,300 --> 00:05:45,300 Once upon a time... And this, kids, is 64 00:05:45,300 --> 00:05:49,080 the real tale of Jack and the Bean... Jack and the Beanstalk. 65 00:06:04,080 --> 00:06:06,700 Where is that little crumb snatcher? Jack? 66 00:06:06,980 --> 00:06:07,980 Oh, Jack. 67 00:06:08,580 --> 00:06:09,680 Come out, Jack. 68 00:06:11,360 --> 00:06:16,320 Oh, he's a good boy. Always into something. Curious and studious. 69 00:06:16,640 --> 00:06:18,720 Always trying to improve his mind. 70 00:06:22,560 --> 00:06:23,900 Hello, Duncan. 71 00:06:24,640 --> 00:06:26,520 What are you doing up that tree? 72 00:06:29,000 --> 00:06:31,740 Can't you see you're studying nature? 73 00:06:53,390 --> 00:06:54,390 Thank you. 74 00:10:42,790 --> 00:10:47,830 way, you dirty old despot. Oh, boy, that milkmaid almost closed out the act that 75 00:10:47,830 --> 00:10:48,830 time, Froggy. 76 00:10:52,750 --> 00:10:57,090 I'm so thirsty, fear makes one's mouth very dry. 77 00:10:58,270 --> 00:10:59,550 Hey, look over there. 78 00:11:02,150 --> 00:11:06,110 It's old Bossy, my favorite watering hole. 79 00:11:06,950 --> 00:11:11,630 Now, wait a minute, Baby Cake. Your mother told you not to molest that... 80 00:11:13,550 --> 00:11:15,670 She don't give but a little milk anyway. 81 00:12:32,720 --> 00:12:36,000 I want you to take her to the village and sell her to the highest bidder. And 82 00:12:36,000 --> 00:12:38,180 take this lily pad pervert with you. 83 00:12:45,840 --> 00:12:52,800 I told you so. I 84 00:12:52,800 --> 00:12:53,800 told you so. 85 00:12:54,020 --> 00:12:57,340 Oh, how the heck, heck, hamster, you old transvestite. 86 00:12:59,140 --> 00:13:01,560 I'm going to write you out of my next mother. 87 00:13:02,120 --> 00:13:03,120 Sorry. 88 00:13:06,340 --> 00:13:07,740 Halt ye forthwith! 89 00:13:08,400 --> 00:13:10,140 Who are you? 90 00:13:10,620 --> 00:13:12,000 Can ye not tell? 91 00:13:12,220 --> 00:13:15,760 Hast thou not heard of Dopey, Sneezy, Grumpy, Lumpy, Bumpy, and Rumpy? 92 00:13:16,400 --> 00:13:18,780 Hark! I am thy eighth dwarf. 93 00:13:35,790 --> 00:13:37,850 Want to trade thy cow for some dirty pictures? 94 00:13:40,090 --> 00:13:43,990 I've got some of Snow White around thy house ye would not believe. 95 00:13:45,790 --> 00:13:50,910 Or how about a little Miss Muffet sitting on her tuffet? 96 00:13:51,610 --> 00:13:54,610 Or how about Little Red Riding Hood and the wolf? 97 00:13:57,850 --> 00:13:58,930 Granny, too. 98 00:13:59,610 --> 00:14:02,010 And don't forget those perennial favorites. 99 00:14:11,050 --> 00:14:13,970 sleeping beauty, thy fairy princess and handsome prince. 100 00:14:16,810 --> 00:14:17,810 Listen, 101 00:14:19,230 --> 00:14:24,570 you little lech, I'm not trading my bossy for any old bunch of kinky 102 00:14:24,570 --> 00:14:25,570 pictures. 103 00:14:26,350 --> 00:14:29,810 Oh, well, would you trade thy tongue for me? 104 00:14:33,370 --> 00:14:36,150 Yuck. Ooh, that's disgusting. 105 00:14:37,930 --> 00:14:42,790 Very well. Would you trade for a... Genuine gypsy princess. 106 00:14:49,470 --> 00:14:53,870 Hey, kid. How you like to try these kind of teats? 107 00:14:55,790 --> 00:14:57,010 Watch out, Jack. 108 00:14:57,270 --> 00:14:58,270 It's a trick. 109 00:14:58,530 --> 00:15:00,590 It's my trick, so butt out. 110 00:15:01,010 --> 00:15:02,010 Yeah. 111 00:15:14,160 --> 00:15:16,040 I think we have ideas. 112 00:15:23,020 --> 00:15:28,560 Jack let into them. They was a whole lot softer and squishier than old Bossy's 113 00:15:28,560 --> 00:15:32,920 others. But they didn't write at first, here to give up much dang milk. 114 00:15:33,240 --> 00:15:38,500 And that little old gypsy gal, she learned right then and there what suck 115 00:15:38,500 --> 00:15:39,540 was all about. 116 00:15:58,320 --> 00:16:00,520 Is that cow going to miss you? 117 00:16:02,900 --> 00:16:08,400 That gypsy started fumbling with little Jack's fly and finally pulled out the 118 00:16:08,400 --> 00:16:10,860 stingiest little prick you ever seen. 119 00:16:11,640 --> 00:16:17,840 Then she started fiddling with the little pickle till it started to grow. 120 00:16:28,430 --> 00:16:29,890 couldn't get her hand around it. 121 00:16:36,730 --> 00:16:39,210 You try to fuck up deal, kid. 122 00:16:39,870 --> 00:16:44,970 Then she grabbed ahold of Jack's cock and steered that big bat into her 123 00:16:44,970 --> 00:16:46,010 steaming pussy. 124 00:16:46,210 --> 00:16:48,010 Ooh, little Jack's... 125 00:17:24,270 --> 00:17:26,510 I got some sad news for you, kid. 126 00:17:26,869 --> 00:17:31,330 You ain't never going to find pussy what can live with your big prick. 127 00:17:31,930 --> 00:17:33,890 You're going to fuck them all dead. 128 00:17:35,030 --> 00:17:38,830 Gypsy think maybe you had the right thing going with that old cow. 129 00:17:41,850 --> 00:17:44,790 But she ain't in the family no more. 130 00:17:47,310 --> 00:17:49,490 So, tell you what, kid. 131 00:17:49,770 --> 00:17:51,610 I got soft spot. 132 00:17:52,620 --> 00:17:57,140 I will give you three magic beans also, besides screw. 133 00:17:57,940 --> 00:18:02,680 And you plant them, and you got one big surprise. 134 00:18:03,220 --> 00:18:08,400 You won't be no big surprise when Ma sees what I traded B-B-B-Bossy for. 135 00:18:08,800 --> 00:18:10,200 She'll cream me. 136 00:18:13,620 --> 00:18:15,340 Well, Mother... Men can do. 137 00:18:15,660 --> 00:18:17,360 Jim went, you little brat. 138 00:18:17,620 --> 00:18:23,240 None go. I can't believe it. I can't believe it. You traded our cow for a few 139 00:18:23,240 --> 00:18:24,240 measly beans. 140 00:18:24,540 --> 00:18:29,380 Nobody is that dumb. I'll show you what you can do with your beans. 141 00:18:31,540 --> 00:18:34,020 Now go to your room and get out of my sight. 142 00:18:35,220 --> 00:18:36,220 Okay. 143 00:18:54,920 --> 00:18:57,520 cow just to suck on that gypsy's tits. 144 00:19:01,160 --> 00:19:03,580 Remember those tits, Froggy? 145 00:19:06,600 --> 00:19:10,240 Wow. Those were the softest things I ever had. 146 00:19:11,080 --> 00:19:13,020 And the nipples. 147 00:19:13,260 --> 00:19:14,260 Oh, boy. 148 00:19:14,540 --> 00:19:18,260 That warm, wet, fuzzy little pussy. 149 00:19:18,520 --> 00:19:20,520 Oh, shit. 150 00:19:20,720 --> 00:19:23,980 I get horny just thinking about her again. 151 00:19:26,800 --> 00:19:27,800 Wow! 152 00:19:58,440 --> 00:19:59,480 them beans created 153 00:20:59,180 --> 00:21:02,980 Inside. Why don't you crawl under the door, dummy? 154 00:21:03,420 --> 00:21:05,880 Okay, okay, don't nag me. 155 00:24:04,170 --> 00:24:08,290 I thought I heard you playing harp. I couldn't figure out why I was getting 156 00:24:08,290 --> 00:24:11,510 so... so hot and horny. 157 00:24:11,990 --> 00:24:14,650 Oh, and who do we have here? 158 00:24:17,730 --> 00:24:20,970 Hiya, ma'am. I mean, big lady. 159 00:24:22,890 --> 00:24:28,630 Oh, as I live and breathe, it's a little bitty boy baby. 160 00:24:30,330 --> 00:24:31,490 Gracious sakes alive. 161 00:24:32,560 --> 00:24:34,400 Aren't you a pretty little thing? 162 00:24:35,340 --> 00:24:38,660 Oh. Oh, my. 163 00:24:39,260 --> 00:24:42,140 What a squirmy little rascal you are. 164 00:24:43,040 --> 00:24:44,040 Oh. 165 00:24:45,080 --> 00:24:50,120 I, I, I am, boy, am I sure powerful, thirsty big lady. 166 00:24:50,500 --> 00:24:53,620 Well, maybe this will help. 167 00:24:55,000 --> 00:25:00,160 Now, don't that beat all. He's turning on his famous sock. 168 00:25:21,770 --> 00:25:23,890 What's that big hussy going to do with Jack? 169 00:26:05,930 --> 00:26:08,990 Quickly, little boy, lest he find you and eat you alive. 170 00:26:11,190 --> 00:26:14,530 See thy whole feet. 171 00:26:14,750 --> 00:26:19,890 I home from golf and as happy as a warthog in heat. 172 00:26:20,150 --> 00:26:21,630 Ho, ho, ho, ho. 173 00:26:21,850 --> 00:26:23,790 Where my little harp? 174 00:26:24,490 --> 00:26:26,230 Play, little harp. 175 00:26:26,470 --> 00:26:31,390 I going to hump the hostess like she never been humped before. 176 00:26:31,770 --> 00:26:33,150 Ho, ho, ho, ho. 177 00:26:39,120 --> 00:26:43,160 Looks like there was no place to hide but in that giant pussy. 178 00:26:43,580 --> 00:26:46,040 Cousin, nobody wants to be ate alive. 179 00:26:46,820 --> 00:26:49,640 Oh, it must be powerful hot in there. 180 00:26:50,840 --> 00:26:53,980 It must make a fella terrible thirsty. 181 00:26:58,980 --> 00:27:02,200 Look at that crazy kid. 182 00:27:02,500 --> 00:27:05,120 He thinks he's sucking on another nipple. 183 00:27:18,960 --> 00:27:20,280 Husband, come quick. I need you. 184 00:27:22,160 --> 00:27:28,480 If I fall from, I going to diddle my sweet wifey come. 185 00:27:28,740 --> 00:27:34,020 I going to drive my eight iron into her head trap. 186 00:29:00,360 --> 00:29:01,299 I'm coming. 187 00:29:01,300 --> 00:29:02,300 Oh, 188 00:29:03,060 --> 00:29:04,060 I come. 189 00:29:05,900 --> 00:29:07,120 I came. 190 00:29:11,020 --> 00:29:14,700 It's a pure miracle that Jack never drowned in there. 191 00:29:14,980 --> 00:29:20,460 But lucky for him, that big old cock pulled out of the cave and the tide 192 00:29:20,460 --> 00:29:25,480 started going out with it. And little Jack, he got caught up in the undertow 193 00:29:25,480 --> 00:29:29,360 and come a swooshing out of the giantess's cunt. 194 00:29:29,760 --> 00:29:31,920 Like a fresh-born baby. 195 00:29:33,340 --> 00:29:38,720 That giant, he sees Jack a-sputterin' and a-flailin' and... 196 00:29:38,720 --> 00:29:45,340 And he was struck 197 00:29:45,340 --> 00:29:46,560 plumb dumb. 198 00:29:52,880 --> 00:29:59,440 By God, this one-five... wife I got in it. One 199 00:29:59,440 --> 00:30:05,960 big buck and he give me fine baby boy like 200 00:30:05,960 --> 00:30:09,400 that. Already with clothes on. 201 00:30:10,660 --> 00:30:13,940 What other wife do that? 202 00:30:35,820 --> 00:30:36,820 That's the wrong story. 203 00:30:37,340 --> 00:30:38,340 Oh, dear. 204 00:30:45,480 --> 00:30:46,480 Judge. 205 00:30:51,260 --> 00:30:52,260 Judge. 206 00:30:52,600 --> 00:30:55,840 I just can't seem to make this thing work anymore. 207 00:30:56,500 --> 00:31:00,960 Caroline, honey, don't you worry. You just listen to the story. 208 00:31:11,340 --> 00:31:12,340 $100, Roy. 209 00:31:12,760 --> 00:31:13,760 $200, Roy. 210 00:31:14,600 --> 00:31:15,640 $300, Roy. 211 00:31:17,040 --> 00:31:19,520 $999.99, Roy. 212 00:31:21,480 --> 00:31:23,800 But, Your Honor, I don't have $999. 213 00:31:24,300 --> 00:31:27,860 Just make it three $1 Havana cigars. 214 00:31:28,160 --> 00:31:31,100 Now, you hush up, Roy. The bench wants to hear more. 215 00:31:32,320 --> 00:31:33,320 Proceed. 216 00:31:33,780 --> 00:31:35,880 Mother? Yes, Your Honor. 217 00:31:36,760 --> 00:31:42,460 You see, my mother... He used to sell maternity gowns, and they called her the 218 00:31:42,460 --> 00:31:44,360 biggest motherfucker in the world. 219 00:31:47,500 --> 00:31:54,240 Anyway, if you really want to hear a good story, let me tell you... All 220 00:31:54,240 --> 00:31:56,060 right, I'd like to request recess. 221 00:31:56,640 --> 00:31:59,860 All right, see, just when she was getting to the good part. 222 00:32:00,140 --> 00:32:02,380 The shit that Cinderella went through. 223 00:32:02,740 --> 00:32:06,840 Well, she got on her broom, and... No, that's the wrong one again. 224 00:32:07,280 --> 00:32:08,280 Let's see. 225 00:32:09,320 --> 00:32:14,900 Cinderella is the story of a little girl who rode her broom... 226 00:32:14,900 --> 00:32:35,020 Now, 227 00:32:35,020 --> 00:32:39,760 there once lived in the village of Pax... a prosperous widowed merchant 228 00:32:39,760 --> 00:32:45,120 named Fortunato and his beautiful daughter named Eleanor Amor. 229 00:32:54,060 --> 00:32:59,040 Fortunato was a kind and generous man and a good father to Eleanor Amor. 230 00:32:59,280 --> 00:33:04,700 But alas, Fortunato had one weakness, an eye for the ladies. 231 00:33:10,600 --> 00:33:12,920 There were the shapely maidens in his employ. 232 00:33:15,380 --> 00:33:17,720 Lascivious smiles readily returned. 233 00:33:18,560 --> 00:33:24,140 Then pinched buttocks and squeezed bosoms. And finally, quick favors 234 00:33:24,140 --> 00:33:26,380 happily granted a wealthy master. 235 00:33:28,020 --> 00:33:33,480 But living in the village was an evil woman named Morta. 236 00:33:33,760 --> 00:33:38,140 She was a wretched hag who wanted Fortunato for his money. 237 00:33:39,600 --> 00:33:41,820 She tried everything to get his attention. 238 00:33:44,660 --> 00:33:46,600 But nothing would work. 239 00:33:48,660 --> 00:33:54,180 Until she became furious with rage by Fortunato's rejections. 240 00:33:54,820 --> 00:33:59,880 Morta fashioned a wicked scheme to share in Fortunato's wealth. 241 00:34:01,100 --> 00:34:06,740 I will put a spell on him with a magic potion. 242 00:34:07,360 --> 00:34:13,530 And I'll get the from the Wicked Witch of the Whang. 243 00:34:23,389 --> 00:34:26,750 Come in, dearie. 244 00:34:26,969 --> 00:34:27,969 Come in. 245 00:34:29,110 --> 00:34:31,830 That's right, dearie. This way. 246 00:34:32,250 --> 00:34:33,510 Come on. 247 00:34:36,429 --> 00:34:39,090 I thought this used to... 248 00:34:42,710 --> 00:34:43,710 Oh, 249 00:34:44,889 --> 00:34:46,370 it is, honey, it is. 250 00:34:47,190 --> 00:34:50,409 Oh, but you got to keep up with times, Torch. 251 00:34:51,710 --> 00:34:55,590 Oh, what can I do for you? 252 00:34:56,210 --> 00:34:58,810 How about this little item? 253 00:34:59,590 --> 00:35:01,770 It's old battery all right. 254 00:35:22,800 --> 00:35:25,260 in the way of a love potion. 255 00:35:25,800 --> 00:35:31,880 Love potion? I can see why you might want one. 256 00:35:32,900 --> 00:35:37,620 Oh, shut up. You demented old dropout. 257 00:36:38,570 --> 00:36:39,710 Together for a party. 258 00:36:40,570 --> 00:36:43,290 No. No, no. 259 00:36:43,530 --> 00:36:50,170 I want a potion to make Fortunato fall in love with me. 260 00:36:50,590 --> 00:36:51,590 What's this? 261 00:36:51,710 --> 00:36:52,810 Chopped liver? 262 00:36:53,650 --> 00:36:57,710 All right, dearie. How about this, girl? 263 00:37:59,310 --> 00:38:06,110 And when he woke, she seemed to him a beauteous, lustful nymph, so richly 264 00:38:06,110 --> 00:38:09,530 adorned that Fortunato swooned in anguish. 265 00:38:12,590 --> 00:38:18,690 They made passionate love. 266 00:38:19,950 --> 00:38:26,630 I'm longing to care for you and your darling daughter, Fortunato. 267 00:38:27,760 --> 00:38:29,780 They were married the next day. 268 00:38:31,740 --> 00:38:35,760 I married the most exotic beauty in the world. 269 00:38:37,280 --> 00:38:43,340 And Eleonora will be happy with her new home life and her two nice sisters. 270 00:38:47,180 --> 00:38:49,940 However, the spell didn't last long. 271 00:38:50,360 --> 00:38:54,660 Very soon, Fortunato discovered the true nature of his blitz. 272 00:38:55,160 --> 00:38:56,160 I... 273 00:39:00,080 --> 00:39:04,920 He went half crazed to a faraway country and never returned. 274 00:39:05,680 --> 00:39:11,340 Morta was furious. She was now deprived of the riches she had aimed to possess. 275 00:39:12,100 --> 00:39:18,000 I have half a mind to put the little monster out into the street. 276 00:39:18,420 --> 00:39:24,380 But maybe, maybe I can put her to better use. 277 00:39:28,340 --> 00:39:33,960 Now Eleonora was made to wait upon her stepmother and stepsisters, hand and 278 00:39:33,960 --> 00:39:38,600 foot. Do all the housework while her stepsisters looked on and laughed. 279 00:39:39,120 --> 00:39:42,800 Do all the gardening and never to utter complaints. 280 00:39:43,740 --> 00:39:47,200 Little Eleonora did all this with never a protest. 281 00:39:47,780 --> 00:39:51,060 For she was a sweet child in the purest sense. 282 00:39:51,820 --> 00:39:54,520 Her nice clothes were taken away from her. 283 00:39:57,000 --> 00:40:01,280 Instead... She was given rags in the corner of the fireplace in which to 284 00:40:01,280 --> 00:40:02,280 sleep. 285 00:40:03,260 --> 00:40:09,000 Even her lovely name was changed, for they started calling her Cinderella. 286 00:40:11,200 --> 00:40:17,740 For seven years did Cinderella toil without complaint while her 287 00:40:17,740 --> 00:40:20,040 stepsisters lazed or played games. 288 00:40:23,280 --> 00:40:28,520 Then, one day, while Cinderella was outdoors working in the garden, a troop 289 00:40:28,520 --> 00:40:29,920 of noblemen happened by. 290 00:40:31,120 --> 00:40:36,520 Cinderella was astonished when the youthful leader reined his proud horse 291 00:40:36,520 --> 00:40:38,760 and elegantly doffed his cap. 292 00:40:39,560 --> 00:40:41,200 A good day to you, miss. 293 00:40:42,620 --> 00:40:44,160 Cinderella could not speak. 294 00:40:44,440 --> 00:40:47,960 So overcome was she with a pounding of her breath. 295 00:40:53,450 --> 00:40:54,670 must be going, your highness. 296 00:40:55,050 --> 00:40:56,230 Your highness? 297 00:40:56,570 --> 00:40:58,270 That was the prince. 298 00:41:00,330 --> 00:41:05,030 The prince returned to the castle and presented himself to the king and queen. 299 00:41:07,150 --> 00:41:12,490 Your majesty, I am sad to report that I have not been able to find a fair 300 00:41:12,490 --> 00:41:17,810 princess that I would, should, could, or in any sense of the word, would marry. 301 00:41:18,730 --> 00:41:20,230 That's very sad indeed. 302 00:41:20,870 --> 00:41:24,380 I've got to get you married and screwing. to ensure a line of 303 00:41:24,380 --> 00:41:26,200 succession. Oh, dear. 304 00:41:26,820 --> 00:41:28,000 Oh, sorry. 305 00:41:28,520 --> 00:41:31,060 There is but one solution to the quandary. 306 00:41:32,060 --> 00:41:33,660 We must have a ball. 307 00:41:33,940 --> 00:41:34,960 Or maybe two. 308 00:41:35,540 --> 00:41:40,160 And every eligible maiden in the land will come and dance with the prince. 309 00:41:41,540 --> 00:41:47,020 Bright and early the next day, royal couriers fled to the far corners of the 310 00:41:47,020 --> 00:41:52,380 kingdom and nailed up notices to announce the royal ball. 311 00:41:59,550 --> 00:42:05,290 beautiful gowns, then surely his highness cannot do anything else but 312 00:42:05,290 --> 00:42:06,990 choose one of us. 313 00:42:07,250 --> 00:42:08,790 Surely, surely. 314 00:42:09,450 --> 00:42:12,710 But of course, my sweet darlings. 315 00:42:13,470 --> 00:42:18,250 May I not attend the ball too, stepmother dear, if only for a little 316 00:42:18,250 --> 00:42:20,950 while? Don't be a silly ass, Cinderella. 317 00:42:21,170 --> 00:42:26,630 Thou hast so much work to do, thou wilt be too tired. 318 00:42:26,950 --> 00:42:27,950 Be thine. 319 00:42:28,300 --> 00:42:30,300 Thou wilt have nothing to wear. 320 00:42:31,260 --> 00:42:36,620 Morta bought the most beautiful silk she could buy, and she and her daughters 321 00:42:36,620 --> 00:42:43,300 made two gowns, one for Anastasia and one for Anathema. Oh, 322 00:42:43,460 --> 00:42:46,880 I'm so proud of you two. 323 00:42:47,760 --> 00:42:50,480 You look so delicious. 324 00:42:50,720 --> 00:42:53,060 I'd marry you myself. 325 00:42:53,900 --> 00:42:56,000 As for you, dear... 326 00:42:56,350 --> 00:42:59,870 Here's some silken finery to adorn thyself with. 327 00:43:01,230 --> 00:43:08,150 With these words, Morta dangled two small pieces of cloth, leftovers 328 00:43:08,150 --> 00:43:12,950 from the dresses, in front of Cinderella's face and let them fall to 329 00:43:12,950 --> 00:43:14,070 the floor at her feet. 330 00:43:14,670 --> 00:43:19,430 Cinderella buried her face in her hands and sobbed softly. 331 00:43:25,960 --> 00:43:30,060 Came the night of the ball. The stepsisters scrubbed themselves clean, 332 00:43:30,240 --> 00:43:33,880 while Cinderella brought one bucket of water after another. 333 00:43:36,460 --> 00:43:40,980 When they had finally departed, Cinderella sat by the open window, 334 00:43:41,100 --> 00:43:44,160 staring dreamily at the distant royal castle. 335 00:43:45,880 --> 00:43:51,160 She was all the while sewing up the bits of pretty cloth Morta had given her. 336 00:43:53,610 --> 00:43:58,170 I will go to the ball. No matter what happens, I must see the prince again. 337 00:43:58,430 --> 00:44:01,210 I do hope the prince finds me attractive. 338 00:44:01,810 --> 00:44:05,690 Oh, how I wish I had a beautiful gown like the other girls. 339 00:44:07,330 --> 00:44:11,170 In the meantime, the prince had a dismal time of it. 340 00:44:11,630 --> 00:44:17,330 He danced in turn with all the eligible maidens, while the king became more and 341 00:44:17,330 --> 00:44:18,330 more impatient. 342 00:44:19,330 --> 00:44:20,890 This is all for nothing. 343 00:44:21,450 --> 00:44:24,310 I see no love light appear in the prince's eyes. 344 00:44:24,530 --> 00:44:28,850 In fact, I think that this is the dumbest collection of broads I've ever 345 00:44:28,850 --> 00:44:29,850 laid my eyes on. 346 00:44:30,390 --> 00:44:32,290 Oh, dear. Oh, sorry. 347 00:44:33,450 --> 00:44:38,390 Cinderella was so spent from getting her sisters ready for the ball that she had 348 00:44:38,390 --> 00:44:40,310 fallen into an exhausted sleep. 349 00:44:41,330 --> 00:44:44,490 Suddenly, Cindy was awakened by a blinding flash. 350 00:44:44,890 --> 00:44:49,550 An old but friendly witch appeared who smiled at Cindy. 351 00:44:51,760 --> 00:44:52,218 Who are you? 352 00:44:52,220 --> 00:44:56,140 I am thy godmother, my dear child. Yes, aren't I? 353 00:44:56,700 --> 00:45:01,060 Now, I'm here to see to it that you go to the ball tonight and have a prince. 354 00:45:01,280 --> 00:45:05,560 I mean, go to the prince and have a ball. I mean, I hope that you meet the 355 00:45:05,560 --> 00:45:06,560 prince again tonight. 356 00:45:06,800 --> 00:45:11,080 But thou shalt do exactly as I tell thee. And don't be the least bit 357 00:45:11,080 --> 00:45:12,080 surprised. 358 00:45:13,200 --> 00:45:15,860 Oh, yes, yes. How wonderful. 359 00:45:16,340 --> 00:45:17,340 Now, let's see. 360 00:45:17,660 --> 00:45:20,960 What's the first thing I do? I take my little wand and then I... Oh. 361 00:45:21,480 --> 00:45:25,240 Oh, yes, of course. It's the beautiful pumpkin gown. 362 00:45:25,760 --> 00:45:26,760 Huh? 363 00:45:27,420 --> 00:45:30,440 Oh, good heavens. 364 00:45:31,180 --> 00:45:33,060 Please get me out of this. 365 00:45:34,220 --> 00:45:39,060 Gosh, I'm sorry, dear. You know, it's been such a long time. Let me think now. 366 00:45:39,140 --> 00:45:42,780 I must, if I come in, it will click out the cap. Oh, let me think, think, think, 367 00:45:42,820 --> 00:45:43,820 think. 368 00:45:44,380 --> 00:45:46,600 Oh, don't worry. 369 00:45:47,160 --> 00:45:48,580 Oh, my. 370 00:45:52,819 --> 00:45:54,160 Let me try plan 12. 371 00:45:56,340 --> 00:45:57,420 That wasn't it. 372 00:46:30,700 --> 00:46:33,720 Don't I? Yes, I do. Oh, gosh, if you knew what I went through. 373 00:46:33,980 --> 00:46:37,480 I know, I know, but please get me out of this thing. 374 00:46:37,960 --> 00:46:41,420 Oh, yes, good heavens, it's getting early. I mean, it's getting late. 375 00:46:42,540 --> 00:46:43,399 Your dress. 376 00:46:43,400 --> 00:46:48,660 Aha. Now, let's see. Your dress is taken care of. Now, the next thing is... Is 377 00:46:48,660 --> 00:46:52,340 how do I get there? The next thing is how do you... I just said that, Cindy. 378 00:46:52,600 --> 00:46:56,280 Ah, let me see now. First, we need some horses. Yes, horses. Aha. 379 00:46:56,500 --> 00:46:57,500 Have you got any mice? 380 00:47:00,140 --> 00:47:01,140 I can turn them into mice. 381 00:47:01,600 --> 00:47:04,840 Oh, no time for joking. Now, let me think. What should I do? No, that won't 382 00:47:04,840 --> 00:47:08,400 work. I could try that. Oh, gosh, that's silly. I know that would never... Wait. 383 00:47:08,580 --> 00:47:12,440 Oh, gosh. Well, just don't worry about anything. I mean, for me, it's just a 384 00:47:12,440 --> 00:47:13,600 piece of cake. 385 00:47:14,140 --> 00:47:16,820 With these words, a huge cake appeared. 386 00:47:17,100 --> 00:47:18,220 Oh, good Lord. 387 00:47:18,820 --> 00:47:21,200 Which floated about two feet from the ground. 388 00:47:22,000 --> 00:47:23,960 Cinderella had completely disappeared. 389 00:47:24,460 --> 00:47:28,340 The cake made sputtering noises as it started to move towards the door. 390 00:47:28,920 --> 00:47:33,720 The door opened all by itself, and the cake sailed into the starry night. 391 00:47:34,420 --> 00:47:36,980 The clock now told eleven. 392 00:47:37,620 --> 00:47:42,500 The cake, as if it had a mind of its own, floated towards the castle. 393 00:47:44,840 --> 00:47:49,100 If these girls cannot get the prince interested, maybe they can stuff 394 00:47:49,100 --> 00:47:50,540 themselves with something else. 395 00:47:51,140 --> 00:47:53,040 Where's that cake I ordered? 396 00:47:53,500 --> 00:47:56,360 What the hell is going on around here? 397 00:47:57,020 --> 00:47:58,100 now, dear. Sorry. 398 00:48:00,400 --> 00:48:04,120 Now, there's a neat trick from the kitchen. 399 00:48:04,360 --> 00:48:06,760 We have a very clever cook, dear. 400 00:48:07,020 --> 00:48:12,860 At exactly a quarter to twelve, the huge cake landed on the table, just when the 401 00:48:12,860 --> 00:48:15,180 unhappy prince was dancing by. 402 00:48:15,560 --> 00:48:18,100 You better drop it now, your highness, my son. 403 00:48:18,340 --> 00:48:22,340 It looks like a pretty good piece of cheesecake there on the table. The 404 00:48:22,340 --> 00:48:25,560 prince didn't need prodding. He indeed dropped his partner. 405 00:48:26,030 --> 00:48:28,370 who fell with a heavy thud on the palace floor. 406 00:48:28,730 --> 00:48:30,730 Then it happened. 407 00:48:30,970 --> 00:48:35,770 The cake opened up, and out came Cinderella, while the prince and 408 00:48:35,770 --> 00:48:38,670 everyone else looked on in utter amazement. 409 00:48:39,090 --> 00:48:45,150 Her dress, made from the scraps of her stepsister's gowns, miraculously clung 410 00:48:45,150 --> 00:48:46,290 to her perfect body. 411 00:48:53,200 --> 00:48:55,520 Now the prince seemed to float also 412 00:48:55,520 --> 00:49:14,380 Then 413 00:49:14,380 --> 00:49:19,500 suddenly the clock struck 12 414 00:49:35,660 --> 00:49:40,260 Find her again. For days did the handsome, hung-up prince mope around the 415 00:49:40,260 --> 00:49:42,380 castle, hoping for Cindy's return. 416 00:49:42,980 --> 00:49:47,180 If ever I find her again, I'm going to crown her my princess. 417 00:49:48,160 --> 00:49:52,880 But when that proved in vain, he decided that he would go out and find her. 418 00:49:53,660 --> 00:49:56,600 I don't even know her name or where she lives. 419 00:49:58,320 --> 00:50:04,320 All I know is that she's a virgin. A lovely, unspoiled, delicate virgin. 420 00:50:05,610 --> 00:50:12,390 After six weeks and more than 14,000 stops, he still hasn't found one virgin. 421 00:50:12,690 --> 00:50:14,870 Most maidens profess to be. 422 00:50:16,070 --> 00:50:20,450 I have tried and tested every girl who said she was a virgin. 423 00:50:22,810 --> 00:50:27,230 But then one day, when he was just about ready to give up. 424 00:50:28,330 --> 00:50:30,830 I feel that I've been here before. 425 00:50:31,270 --> 00:50:33,570 That house. This garden. 426 00:50:35,600 --> 00:50:36,600 Your Highness, 427 00:50:37,360 --> 00:50:40,620 I thought you would never come. 428 00:50:40,980 --> 00:50:47,100 Madam, if I told you how often I have come in the past six weeks... Oh, 429 00:50:47,300 --> 00:50:52,520 Your Highness. 430 00:50:52,760 --> 00:50:57,560 I deeply regret Your Highness's wasted efforts, sir. 431 00:50:57,860 --> 00:51:02,720 All the while, my two lovely, talented... 432 00:51:04,750 --> 00:51:08,350 So his daughters were ready for the picking, I might add. 433 00:51:09,450 --> 00:51:14,010 I seek but one, madam, but produce them if you must. 434 00:51:14,390 --> 00:51:16,370 Here they are, your highness. 435 00:51:17,350 --> 00:51:21,410 Two of the most lovely virgins in the land. 436 00:51:36,720 --> 00:51:37,439 Your Highness? 437 00:51:37,440 --> 00:51:41,120 Oh, a mere scullery maid, Your Highness. 438 00:51:41,360 --> 00:51:46,220 An ill-kept wretch who lives among the cinders. 439 00:51:46,560 --> 00:51:47,980 Were you at the ball? 440 00:51:48,360 --> 00:51:49,400 Yes, Your Highness. 441 00:51:49,700 --> 00:51:54,260 Then another miracle happened. The prince touched Cindy's shoulder. 442 00:51:54,560 --> 00:51:59,520 Spark flew. Her dress fell from her shoulders and crumpled to the floor. 443 00:51:59,860 --> 00:52:03,000 I knew I would recognize you when I saw you again. 444 00:52:03,360 --> 00:52:04,940 Marta and her daughters... 445 00:52:05,230 --> 00:52:09,790 stared in envious disbelief when the prince gathered Cinderella in his arms 446 00:52:09,790 --> 00:52:14,090 and kissed her passionately. I want to make you my princess. 447 00:52:14,490 --> 00:52:18,330 We shall now withdraw into the garden and no one is invited. 448 00:52:20,550 --> 00:52:22,530 And that was only fair. 449 00:52:22,750 --> 00:52:28,110 When a prince decides to make a princess, then that's nobody's business 450 00:52:28,110 --> 00:52:29,250 but the princess. 451 00:52:37,580 --> 00:52:38,640 I don't think so, my sweet. 452 00:52:39,580 --> 00:52:42,760 When they finally left, it was almost dark. 453 00:52:43,200 --> 00:52:44,740 They can keep your clothes. 454 00:52:45,000 --> 00:52:48,820 They can make dresses out of them for those two ugly stepsisters of yours. 455 00:52:50,020 --> 00:52:54,040 You're right, darling. I don't think I'm going to have much use for clothes for 456 00:52:54,040 --> 00:52:55,200 quite a while yet. 457 00:52:55,640 --> 00:52:58,940 And so they rode off into the sunset. 458 00:53:00,620 --> 00:53:06,560 And they lived happily ever after. 459 00:53:06,960 --> 00:53:07,960 ever after. 460 00:53:08,680 --> 00:53:11,420 Well, now, didn't that end nice? 461 00:53:12,080 --> 00:53:15,480 Fairy tales always end like that, don't they? 462 00:53:16,940 --> 00:53:17,940 Bullshit! 463 00:53:18,280 --> 00:53:20,840 You ought to know why they ended like that. 464 00:53:21,180 --> 00:53:23,560 Because they were afraid to tell the truth. 465 00:53:24,240 --> 00:53:27,780 Do you want to see what happily ever after was really like? 466 00:53:28,520 --> 00:53:32,500 Okay, I'll show you happily ever after. 467 00:53:34,000 --> 00:53:36,920 This is what it was like 20 years into that beautiful sunset. 468 00:53:37,400 --> 00:53:41,740 The kingdom continued to slide into bankruptcy because the prince couldn't 469 00:53:41,740 --> 00:53:43,600 get out of bed long enough to run it properly. 470 00:53:44,220 --> 00:53:48,120 Cinderella started popping kids out of her belly like biscuits from an 471 00:53:48,120 --> 00:53:50,820 oversexed oven until her figure was shot. 472 00:53:51,500 --> 00:53:55,600 Morta and the stepsisters ran out of money and had to move into the castle 473 00:53:55,600 --> 00:53:58,480 because that was the easiest way to support them. 474 00:53:58,700 --> 00:54:02,600 The prince took to fooling around with the local talent and got crabs. 475 00:54:03,130 --> 00:54:04,970 The stepsisters kept complaining. 476 00:54:05,230 --> 00:54:06,870 The kids kept crying. 477 00:54:07,430 --> 00:54:12,690 Morta nagged and bitched. The prince bitched and itched. And Cinderella grew 478 00:54:12,690 --> 00:54:13,830 old before her time. 479 00:54:14,230 --> 00:54:19,290 That, kiddies, is what lived happily ever after was really like. 480 00:54:38,960 --> 00:54:40,200 What you need is a little drink. 481 00:54:41,740 --> 00:54:44,840 I just think you're something else. 482 00:54:45,160 --> 00:54:47,340 Ooh, give me your hand. 483 00:54:51,740 --> 00:54:52,740 Morning, Michael. 484 00:54:53,140 --> 00:54:54,140 Morning, Michael. 485 00:54:54,420 --> 00:54:55,420 Come on. 486 00:54:55,520 --> 00:54:56,980 Come on. 487 00:54:57,200 --> 00:54:58,940 Sis, I'm hearing another story. 488 00:54:59,760 --> 00:55:01,980 Well, Judge, if you insist. 489 00:55:02,960 --> 00:55:07,280 Let's take the case now. That little fart head jacking the beanstalk. 490 00:55:08,140 --> 00:55:14,340 It seems that he was having an affair with Jack Spratt and his wife, who at 491 00:55:14,340 --> 00:55:18,100 one time found Mary Mary quite contra... Oh, no. 492 00:55:18,320 --> 00:55:19,680 That's not right at all. 493 00:55:19,920 --> 00:55:20,920 Oh. 494 00:55:29,140 --> 00:55:36,100 Once upon a time, there was a pretty golden-haired maiden named Little 495 00:55:36,100 --> 00:55:37,240 Red Riding Hood. 496 00:55:37,720 --> 00:55:41,000 who lived in a pretty little cottage on the edge of a deep wood. 497 00:55:44,300 --> 00:55:49,380 Now, everyone agreed that Little Red Riding Hood was the sweetest, most 498 00:55:49,380 --> 00:55:52,240 enchanting little girl they had ever known. 499 00:55:53,660 --> 00:55:58,520 So dainty and polite and well-mannered to everyone she chanced to meet. 500 00:56:00,600 --> 00:56:04,960 Small wonder that the whole village loved Pretty Little Red Riding Hood. 501 00:56:13,420 --> 00:56:14,740 and I overslept. 502 00:56:15,060 --> 00:56:16,180 Oh, dear. 503 00:56:16,560 --> 00:56:18,040 I have to get ready. 504 00:56:22,980 --> 00:56:27,260 I've never been to a wedding before and I have such a long way to travel through 505 00:56:27,260 --> 00:56:28,238 the forest. 506 00:56:28,240 --> 00:56:29,780 Oh, help me, you two. 507 00:56:43,950 --> 00:56:44,950 the wedding now. 508 00:56:48,710 --> 00:56:53,050 And you better get cracking, Lambie Pie, or you'll be late and screw up this 509 00:56:53,050 --> 00:56:54,050 whole story. 510 00:56:54,530 --> 00:56:58,630 Oh, my goodness, Mother Goose. Don't be so pushy. 511 00:56:59,350 --> 00:57:00,350 I'm going. 512 00:57:00,830 --> 00:57:01,830 I'm going. 513 00:57:03,190 --> 00:57:07,070 And off she went to the wedding in the little chapel in the Green Dell. 514 00:57:18,700 --> 00:57:24,680 Tippity-tap, tippity-tap went her dainty feet. Russell swish, Russell swish went 515 00:57:24,680 --> 00:57:30,000 her lace petticoats. Bounce, bouncy bounce went her bouncy ripe young 516 00:57:30,000 --> 00:57:31,000 breasts. 517 00:57:31,640 --> 00:57:35,960 Oh, dear. I pray I shall not be late for the wedding. 518 00:57:46,090 --> 00:57:49,310 There be a gullible young wench if ever I seed one. 519 00:57:51,390 --> 00:57:52,390 Aha! 520 00:58:00,370 --> 00:58:02,830 Whither goest thou on my path? 521 00:58:03,530 --> 00:58:07,330 I but hasten to a wedding in the little chapel in the green dell. 522 00:58:08,710 --> 00:58:14,230 Suddenly a cool chill crept over Red as she perceived a swelling bulge. 523 00:58:14,490 --> 00:58:16,450 in the bold hunter's crotch. 524 00:58:16,710 --> 00:58:19,770 Please let me pass, lest I be late. 525 00:58:20,250 --> 00:58:25,290 Canst thou pay the price of passage, lovely lass, here? 526 00:58:25,730 --> 00:58:31,610 Oh, I have not a farthing upon my person. Then you must trade. 527 00:58:32,330 --> 00:58:35,890 Trade? I have nothing to trade. 528 00:58:36,370 --> 00:58:37,870 It will cost ye kisses. 529 00:58:38,550 --> 00:58:41,390 Kisses? Yes, kisses. 530 00:58:43,700 --> 00:58:45,680 Agreed? Yes. 531 00:58:47,400 --> 00:58:49,860 I suppose that's a fair trade. 532 00:59:44,750 --> 00:59:48,410 Gain shot through Red as he seated himself squarely in her nest. 533 00:59:49,050 --> 00:59:54,090 Deeper, harder, faster, fiercer grew the hunter's assault until, at length, he 534 00:59:54,090 --> 00:59:55,830 stiffened like an arrow and... 535 00:59:55,830 --> 01:00:01,190 Through 536 01:00:01,190 --> 01:00:08,070 eyes watery with tears, Red saw 537 01:00:08,070 --> 01:00:09,770 the trees spinning wildly. 538 01:00:50,760 --> 01:00:51,760 Well, 539 01:00:54,800 --> 01:00:56,500 I guess I'm okay. 540 01:00:57,400 --> 01:01:02,140 In fact, I feel kind of good in a strange sort of way. 541 01:01:33,230 --> 01:01:34,670 the little chapel in the green dell. 542 01:01:35,110 --> 01:01:38,030 Kind sir, may I please pass? 543 01:01:38,730 --> 01:01:42,910 Thou shalt pay the price of passage then, sweet miss. 544 01:01:44,490 --> 01:01:48,750 Oh, please, I have not a shilling upon my person. 545 01:01:49,170 --> 01:01:50,590 Screw thy shilling. 546 01:01:50,890 --> 01:01:55,490 Thy lush young body are trade for thy fair, saith I. 547 01:01:57,950 --> 01:02:01,890 Whereupon he thrust the fearful maiden hard upon an oaken tree. 548 01:02:02,400 --> 01:02:06,700 and planted the hot length of his unit firmly into the girl's naked belly. 549 01:02:12,860 --> 01:02:19,600 Thus embraced, Red was soon 550 01:02:19,600 --> 01:02:22,380 partaking in the frenzy with mounting excitement. 551 01:02:40,530 --> 01:02:44,730 writhing until suddenly the second hunter siphoned like a spear and threw 552 01:02:44,730 --> 01:02:47,670 his weight into an almighty final thrust. 553 01:03:18,160 --> 01:03:23,640 Through the rosy afterglow of a second full-bloom orgasm within minutes, Red 554 01:03:23,640 --> 01:03:28,700 perceived the hunter's once ponderous prick's sash shrinking to lifelessness. 555 01:03:29,460 --> 01:03:30,460 Ah, 556 01:03:31,420 --> 01:03:34,320 oh, t'was a right amiable fuckethness. 557 01:03:34,620 --> 01:03:37,800 Thy fiery count will stir pleasing memories. 558 01:03:38,320 --> 01:03:42,700 Please, if it pleases you, proceed to yonder wedding. 559 01:04:17,520 --> 01:04:18,520 where I was going. 560 01:04:21,300 --> 01:04:22,600 Are you all right? 561 01:04:26,320 --> 01:04:29,360 Well, I betasen to a wedding in the little chapel. 562 01:04:29,580 --> 01:04:30,880 Please let me pass. 563 01:04:31,380 --> 01:04:35,920 Well, I suppose I must pay passage, but I have no coin upon me. 564 01:04:36,300 --> 01:04:40,360 Well, thou fuck me in fair trade, if I be to thy liking. 565 01:04:40,900 --> 01:04:41,900 No coin? 566 01:04:42,140 --> 01:04:45,440 The other hunters allowed me to pay passage in this manner. 567 01:04:50,060 --> 01:04:53,320 I will pay my debts, lest that I be late to the wedding. 568 01:04:53,580 --> 01:04:58,960 And with that, she grabbed two handfuls, and her body began to tingle with a hot 569 01:04:58,960 --> 01:04:59,980 flush of anticipation. 570 01:05:00,720 --> 01:05:05,500 The poor overwrought girl parted her thighs and steered the hunter in the 571 01:05:05,500 --> 01:05:06,500 right direction. 572 01:05:22,640 --> 01:05:25,520 struck quite dumb with dismay she didn't understand. 573 01:05:26,140 --> 01:05:30,780 She tried closing her eyes but the trees didn't spin or change colors. 574 01:05:31,480 --> 01:05:36,940 Sir, I think you gave me very cheap passage. You should charge more for the 575 01:05:36,940 --> 01:05:37,940 use of your path. 576 01:07:40,520 --> 01:07:41,419 The wedding. 577 01:07:41,420 --> 01:07:43,560 Oh, my goodness, the wedding. 578 01:07:53,340 --> 01:07:54,340 What's this? 579 01:07:54,640 --> 01:07:55,900 A troll bridge? 580 01:07:56,460 --> 01:07:59,160 I sure hope this doesn't mean I'll have to pay. 581 01:08:02,120 --> 01:08:03,120 Okay, bitch. 582 01:08:03,280 --> 01:08:05,300 And just where do you think you're going? 583 01:08:05,620 --> 01:08:09,420 I hasten to the wedding in the little chapel in the green dell in the deep 584 01:08:09,420 --> 01:08:10,420 woods. 585 01:08:11,630 --> 01:08:16,290 Lady, I've heard that same old shitty line so many times in this story, it 586 01:08:16,290 --> 01:08:17,970 just makes me sick to my stomach. 587 01:08:18,550 --> 01:08:21,490 So listen, sister, I gotta set you straight. 588 01:08:21,710 --> 01:08:23,050 This is my bridge. 589 01:08:23,310 --> 01:08:24,590 My bridge. 590 01:08:24,910 --> 01:08:28,170 And you can't cross without paying some kind of passage. 591 01:08:28,390 --> 01:08:29,430 Nothing's free, you know. 592 01:08:42,090 --> 01:08:43,310 a cat on pussy nip. 593 01:08:43,870 --> 01:08:45,090 So then what? 594 01:08:45,910 --> 01:08:48,470 Well, there's always some kind of sex. 595 01:08:49,630 --> 01:08:51,350 Say, how about a frozen daiquiri? 596 01:08:53,330 --> 01:08:57,770 Haven't seen any bold hunters and tight tights roaming around the woods, have 597 01:08:57,770 --> 01:09:03,270 you? Well, as a matter of fact, I've already paid passage to at least two, so 598 01:09:03,270 --> 01:09:05,069 there must be some more. 599 01:09:05,750 --> 01:09:08,630 Well, if that's the case, I'll make a deal with you. 600 01:09:08,870 --> 01:09:11,050 Now, I'll let you cross my bridge. 601 01:09:11,500 --> 01:09:13,640 If you find me one of those bold ones. 602 01:09:13,859 --> 01:09:15,279 Oh, but I haven't the time. 603 01:09:15,560 --> 01:09:17,240 I'm late for the wedding already. 604 01:09:18,279 --> 01:09:21,640 Oh, then just forget it. Doesn't make any difference anyway. 605 01:09:22,060 --> 01:09:24,040 I just can't take it anymore. 606 01:09:25,080 --> 01:09:27,399 Nowadays, you know, a troll's life is for shit. 607 01:09:30,520 --> 01:09:31,520 Got any Valium? 608 01:09:43,399 --> 01:09:44,460 think you got problems, huh? 609 01:09:44,700 --> 01:09:49,020 Hmm. Just look at my creek. The water's been rising so high, there's no more 610 01:09:49,020 --> 01:09:51,160 muck or slime to slosh around in. 611 01:09:51,620 --> 01:09:53,580 And this clean living could kill a troll. 612 01:09:54,140 --> 01:09:56,660 Haven't eaten a gruff goat in a month. 613 01:09:57,080 --> 01:10:01,960 And to top it off, this used to be a cozy little duplex bridge when Cyril and 614 01:10:01,960 --> 01:10:03,520 I lived here together for years. 615 01:10:03,940 --> 01:10:07,640 Until last week, he ran off with some damn trag. 616 01:10:07,960 --> 01:10:08,960 A trag? 617 01:10:09,900 --> 01:10:13,670 A troll in drag. A troll in... drag, you dumb twit. 618 01:10:13,950 --> 01:10:17,310 Well, I'm sure sorry to hear about Cyril. 619 01:10:17,750 --> 01:10:22,930 Oh, I guess I just didn't smell bad enough for it. Well, this is all very 620 01:10:22,930 --> 01:10:29,110 sad, but I must get to the wedding because... Yes, yes, yes, well, life has 621 01:10:29,110 --> 01:10:30,730 dealt me a troll blow. 622 01:11:40,680 --> 01:11:43,040 There it was, the little chapel in the green dell. 623 01:11:43,280 --> 01:11:47,580 But the wedding ceremony was fully underway when Red got to the chapel. 624 01:11:48,920 --> 01:11:55,320 We are gathered here today to join this young couple in the vows of holy 625 01:11:55,320 --> 01:11:56,320 matrimony. 626 01:11:57,340 --> 01:12:00,940 Do you, Adam, take this young... 627 01:12:01,180 --> 01:12:05,560 farthing to be your... Do you want to marry this girl today? 628 01:12:05,920 --> 01:12:11,540 And if you... And young lady, will you obey everything this young man might ask 629 01:12:11,540 --> 01:12:16,920 you to do? What God has put together, let no man put asunder. If there's 630 01:12:16,920 --> 01:12:22,080 anybody in this place that knows why these two young foolish idiots shouldn't 631 01:12:22,080 --> 01:12:26,520 be joined together, would you please say so now or forever hold your peace? 632 01:12:26,760 --> 01:12:27,760 Hello! 633 01:12:38,120 --> 01:12:43,320 Red stood at the doorway of the chapel, innocent of her nakedness. But not 634 01:12:43,320 --> 01:12:48,560 everyone at the wedding was as innocent as our heroine. The groom was so moved 635 01:12:48,560 --> 01:12:52,940 by this vision that he could no longer control the beast in him. 636 01:13:02,320 --> 01:13:06,040 Red couldn't figure why anyone was acting so strangely. 637 01:13:06,600 --> 01:13:09,520 until she saw the groom's giant cock. 638 01:13:09,940 --> 01:13:12,520 Oh, now I understand. 639 01:13:13,160 --> 01:13:17,260 I must pay the price of admission to go to the wedding. 640 01:13:17,700 --> 01:13:23,640 And with that revelation, she proceeded to pay in the only currency she had to 641 01:13:23,640 --> 01:13:24,640 trade. 642 01:13:25,040 --> 01:13:26,900 May I kiss the groom? 643 01:13:27,860 --> 01:13:34,640 I, uh, well... Red made history then and there. 644 01:13:35,160 --> 01:13:38,400 What she did set fair precedent for wedding kisses. 645 01:13:43,240 --> 01:13:45,640 Oh, my God, Red. 646 01:13:49,460 --> 01:13:53,820 Couldn't thou not wait till after the wedding? 647 01:14:04,520 --> 01:14:08,760 Must learn to be tolerant and understanding of unforeseen developments 648 01:14:08,760 --> 01:14:10,120 along life's pathway. 649 01:14:10,840 --> 01:14:13,320 Down this quickly, my child. 650 01:14:17,480 --> 01:14:20,840 There, there. Don't we feel better now, my child? 651 01:14:45,350 --> 01:14:46,670 His holy heel, though. 652 01:14:47,710 --> 01:14:53,030 And again did the bride doubt it, getting more stupefied by the minute. 653 01:14:55,290 --> 01:14:59,350 A little red is red riding. 654 01:15:00,830 --> 01:15:03,730 My sweetest best friend. 655 01:15:04,330 --> 01:15:08,630 With these words, she pulled the ribbon of her bodice so that her voluptuous 656 01:15:08,630 --> 01:15:11,710 left breast felt almost naturally... 657 01:15:12,200 --> 01:15:15,160 directly into the friar's waiting, hungry mouth. 658 01:15:15,580 --> 01:15:22,300 My sweetest and best 659 01:15:22,300 --> 01:15:28,900 friend is God damn cheap cunt. 660 01:15:30,560 --> 01:15:33,040 No, no, no. 661 01:15:33,720 --> 01:15:35,460 Moral, moral tone. 662 01:15:36,260 --> 01:15:41,240 Meanwhile, it was becoming increasingly clear that Red had... started something 663 01:15:41,240 --> 01:15:42,920 that could only get out of hand. 664 01:15:43,180 --> 01:15:44,820 And soon it did. 665 01:15:45,060 --> 01:15:50,880 While the friar was feasting lustily, a kindred brother appeared on the bride's 666 01:15:50,880 --> 01:15:51,880 neglected side. 667 01:15:52,180 --> 01:15:57,220 Hot flashes started to parade through her body, and more so because a third 668 01:15:57,220 --> 01:16:02,120 brother had lifted up her dress and had started nibbling between her thighs. 669 01:16:15,880 --> 01:16:19,900 It was a good thing she did, too, because in short order, the lovely, 670 01:16:20,040 --> 01:16:24,060 forsaken virgin bride was having a banger party. 671 01:16:29,440 --> 01:16:36,180 And no one 672 01:16:36,180 --> 01:16:37,460 needed a second invitation. 673 01:16:38,140 --> 01:16:41,640 Clothes flew up in the air and dropped to the ground in quick succession. 674 01:16:44,300 --> 01:16:49,100 realized that this wedding party could as easily become a participating sport. 675 01:16:50,100 --> 01:16:56,720 By and by, the little chapel in the green dell in the deep 676 01:16:56,720 --> 01:17:00,300 woods was a fucking circus. 677 01:17:02,020 --> 01:17:07,760 Red Riding Hood had taxed her Goldilocks. No, well, in truth, the 678 01:17:07,760 --> 01:17:13,420 pretty girl lost count of how many times she came on time. But then... 679 01:17:15,470 --> 01:17:16,470 Oh, haha!